(Warning: requires brain to process information. Publication includes imagination, dot points, personal history, comparison table, semiotics, and visual literacy. 4251 words, 8 Oct. 18.)
Imagine you’ve just walked into the middle of an epic battle between me and some invisible force that’s too tall to fit on screen. I notice you walk in so I start talking to you. Also, IMAGINE I’M YELLING! (over the noise of the battle. I don’t want to type in all caps. It’s rude. I’m not really yelling)
I’m on a warpath and I have my sights set on god. Fuck that guy. He’s a douche bag. I’m not demonic, in league with the devil, a satanist, or a witch. Shit boy, I got no superpowers except that I don’t give a fuck.
I am shielded by apathy! Bah-hah! Yeah bitch, smite me now! Zing! You know why your superpowers don’t work? Because you’re not a god, god is dead. There is no god so fuck off already.
(I spit onto the ground like a real cowboy bad ass, wild west pan pipes and tumbleweeds for dramatic effect)
Ok, so if god is dead then what was the point of the battle? Simple, he’s still alive because mother fuckers like you (or someone else) keep banging on about him. He’s a ghost, a shell. He’s only what you want him to be. And we keep saying “him” because we’re so damn used to it. I want to say “it” but then people think of Pennywise. So no. I’m going to say god, and I don’t care.
Yeah, religion doesn’t hold that much sway over the vast majority of people now. But there are people who are ALL ABOUT THAT RELIGIOUS RIGHTEOUSNESS. And I fucking hate that. And you want to know something else that I fucking hate? Hypocrites. I fucking hate Sunday Spiritual bullshit. If you’re of a religion then at least know what is in your bible and what is not. Know WHY you call yourself a member of that religion.
It’s funny, I know I used to be christian. I was happy back then. But It was the fucking people who pissed me off, so I rebelled and went “dark side”, but then I rebelled against that because the people there were also full of shit. When I was christian I fucking believed that shit whole heartedly, but I was a follower of the new testament. I followed jesus and stuff. Love others, treat others how you want to be treated. So I followed that, I did that. I was a pretty damned good person. But people are fucking assholes and destroy eachother. They are petty and they are unkind. It is that bullshit that makes me want to do what the old testament god does and just smite the shit out of everyone.
But I’m no different from anyone else. I’m a hypocrite and a flawed person. But I don’t need god to save me, I don’t even need jesus to save me. I became my own god and fucking just fucking am so awesome at that shit.
Core principles of the new Khrist (me)
- Jesus died for your sins, you may as well make it worth his time.
- Pleasure is good, you don’t have to be a martyr for it.
- Sex is natural and normal. It is powerful because it can be used to control people.
- Any addiction can be used as a means of control.
- No matter what you do, be informed! Arm yourself with information and knowledge. Otherwise you just look like a dickhead or arsehole.
- One mistake shouldn’t hold you back from trying again.
- Have context! Know what you’re talking about before you make judgements.
- If you’re in an argument, at least make sure you are both arguing about the same thing. Most of the time it’s poor communication.
- You don’t know everything, you never will, who cares. Perspective.
- There’s no escaping life and death. It is a perpetual cycle. Stop being such a sooky baby. Everything is inevitable.
- Know yourself. Trust yourself. You are you. A complex creature, you are more than the sum of all of your parts
- You are more than your mind, your intellect, your heart, your soul, your body.
- You aren’t just what you do, what you like, how you act.
- Are you only an electrical impulse, inside a brain, inside a skull, inside a meat suit?
- Are you only a soul, inside a heart, inside a rib cage, inside that same meat suit?
- Are you only a physical body, a mass of cells, a mass of flesh and gore, an animal motivated by survival and continuation of the species?
- Free your mind. What are you afraid of? What’s important to you?
All this “christ-consciousness” shit? I’m all for ascension and love and freedom and choice. I’m sick of power plays and deception and “hiding the truth for the benefit of mankind” fuck that.
In order to change the way people look at stuff or think of stuff, I need to get rid of christ. kill god. People are god. They need to know that you, all of you, any of you, nobody specifically, you universally – we’re all god. Get over it. Stop fucking each other up over nothing.
Science and CONSCIENCE. Physics and METAPHYSICS. Fucking hell. Legitimise magic and metaphysics. Balance, there has to be balance. You’re all fucking right and wrong at the same fucking time.
What makes me think I am capable of killing god?
I don’t think I am capable of killing something that doesn’t exist. The only thing I have power over is the use of WORDS. OMG!!!!
We use words to express ourselves whether it is spoken out loud, thought of or written down. Now I’m not referring to feelings or emotions. I’m talking about putting an idea into words, actually articulating something. You might feel an emotion, or a sensation, or have an “inkling of an idea”. The start of something! But to actually think about it long enough in a way to explain it? That’s the power of words.
And I’m not a great writer. I’m only okay. I’m an okay poet. I don’t know. I just like stuff, I like to do stuff, and it varies depending on whatever takes my fancy at the time. I like to experience shit, I’m all about participation! I like to have a go. I might not be very good at something, but I like to have fun. I like to try. But I’m also not a masochist. If I’m not enjoying something then I won’t continue with it.
For those who know me from my blog, I have a really hard time sticking with one thing. I tend to just ramble and warble on about a bunch of different stuff. As such, I’ve never really stuck around with anything long enough to get any credentials or qualifiers (except going to uni, but I was only able to do that because of my husband.)
I’ve been called a bunch of different names. The ones I got offended by I learned to own it, so they couldn’t hurt me with their bullshit. Wanna hear some names?
- slut (during high school, because I enjoyed sex)
- junkie (in high school, because I had experimented with some substances)
- fatso (by my mum and her friend because I gained weight and was now a whopping 52 kg)
- cheeseburger cheeks (in primary school, even though I was skinny, I had chubby cheeks)
- devil child (in kindy, a lady put her hand on the head and commented on the shape of my skull)
- ungoy (given by a friend, it means monkey, but he teased me with it because I didn’t like it sounded like ugly)
- angel of death (my favourite of all the names, first said by J in 2007.)
Let’s focus on the Angel of Death, and why it’s my favourite.
J gave me this one as an off the cuff remark, but it had come up again a couple of times since then. I had almost forgotten about it until a few nights ago. I only remember the first time he said it and not the subsequent mentionings. So I’ll share what I remember about the conception.
We’d been married for a year, I was pregnant with our daughter, we were celebrating our November party in the city and I wanted to go home because I was tired. I got a lift home with my beautiful soul sister V and her then boyfriend Marcus. They had been together for 5.5 years and after one car ride with me, they broke up.
I told J about it and he was like “WTF, K?! What did you do? You’re like the angel of death!” I just laughed about it because it was ridiculous that he assumed I had done something. As if I had the power to do un-do a relationship?! Hah! All I did was fascilitate the means for the break up to occur.
You see, V had confided in me about her dissatisfaction with Marcus. Let’s face it, he was a loser. He was 9 years her senior. They started dating when she was 15 and he was 24. During the 5.5 years they were together V got an after school job, finished high school, got her drivers license (full license), went to university and bought a car. Marcus on the other hand managed to go from his learners drivers permit to a provisional drivers permit. Oh, and he worked on and off jobs. V was 9 years younger than him and she was supporting him. To me love is love so it wasn’t my place to judge. As long as she was happy.
No, she was not happy. She told me that night. I told her that if she wasn’t happy she should leave him. She was not okay with that, she was anxious! And of course she was, change is scary, we’re scared of the unknown, so tend to stay put even in uncomfortable (or even dangerous) situations. Better the devil you know, right? WRONG.
So did what any good friend would do: I gave her an out.
I was a 2 month pregnant lady and I didn’t want to stay out all night. We’d already organised for V and Marcus to drive me home as there was no way I was going to make J cut November party short. I told V that it’d be fine, she could blame it on me.
I told her I’d take care of it. I knew Marcus and he liked to debate, and so did I! I loved to play devil’s advocate. It was basically one of my main things: at least know what the fuck you’re talking about, and live authentically.
He was an atheist and she was a christian. She felt super embarrassed whenever he’d make fun of christians because she was a christian. He’d mock the hypocrisy about religion and he was oblivious to the fucking rage and humiliation she was putting her through because it was more important “to be right” than “to be fair” with the woman he supposedly loved. That was my way in. That was the wound I was going to poke and prod and cauterise for my babe.
During the car ride home I just started talking. I talked to Marcus about stuff. I don’t remember what was said or the specific points (honesty, this was 11 years ago). But I remember V getting involved and she was able to say how shitty he made her feel when he’d talk like that. She was able to unload and let rip her beef with her boyfriend. I’d jump in every now and then and say some stuff about both sides to allow for fairness. When we got back to my place I said goodnight and smiled, gave them both kisses, and said they should probably talk about it and I hope they’d be able to work it out.
And I meant it. Working it out doesn’t mean that the relationship had to last. TO ME, to “work something out” means coming to a solution to the problem. And you know, the rest it up to you, its up to them, I did my part, and I go on my merry way.
The next day she told me she broke up with him and I asked her how she felt about it. She was cut but she was so relieved, she felt “free” from his bullshit. And I was happy! I wanted her to be happy, and now she was. You know, she’s married now. And she’s fucking happy. She is super successful and creative and beautiful and smart. She’s quite the opposite of me.
It’s funny, we started off as enemies, sort of. We both knew the same people but didn’t know each other. The first time I actually interacted with her was in 2000. I was at a local basketball game and my friends were playing. I was holding hands with a boy because he was one of my best friends and I was showing him my love and support. She knew my boyfriend at that time and made a comment to him about it. I found out and was fucking furious. I didn’t even know her, she didn’t know me! I wasn’t cheating on my bf, I was holding hands with a dude who I loved platonically, not romantically. I told one of my friends who went to her school that if V was going to say shit about me, she could fight me. I don’t know why I said that, probably because I’d never been in a fight before and I wanted to know what it was life. She called me and we ended up talking it out. I gave her my side, she gave me her side, and we laughed about the whole misunderstanding! It basically opened the channel for a beautiful and lasting friendship.
She was my ideal, who I wanted to be. So I got close and learned that she was just the same as me, but different. Honestly I don’t know why she let me be her friend. I think I was someone who understood her, that she could talk about naughty and dirty things with. I was an escape from the “prim, proper, good christian” christians.
I have no issue with christians. I don’t even really care about christ or jesus. I was perfectly happy doing my thing. But… I’ve got this fucking thing inside that is pushing me on, I have to just fucking stop this shit down. This whole christ bullshit is what I believe is at the heart of the issue. “Christ” is a title, ordained by people, not by god. There is nothing holy about the name. So I will take on the same name and that’s why I’ve named this series CAMPAIGN ANTICHRIST. It’s basically a semi-religious movement to fucking end this shit. I’m taking on god and I will accept the name Antichrist. I mean, I already have a bunch of similar names, so why the hell not? It’s like a ridiculously themed collection, that somehow just works as a “set”
THE LEADER’S NAME IS K! (starts with K)
Christ, I have no problem using that name in vain. You know who’s name I think is sacred? The names of the people I know, and my name. Because names are private. If you know someone’s name then… oh boy, you can find out a whole bunch of shit about that person. Wanna refer to it as literally or figuratively? Same deal.
- The internet allows for ease of information, good or bad.
- People want to avoid identity theft. People want to keep the credit for their own work.
- People want to be taken seriously. They don’t want their past to come back and bite them in the butt.
- People are full of secrets that they don’t want anyone to know.
Well, you can’t have it both ways, bud!
This is seriously me taking the initiative to air out my dirty fucking secrets so no one can hold it against me. YUP. I’VE MADE MISTAKES. BITE ME. Most of that shit was when I was a fucking teenager. So judge my actions by the actions of my peers, in the context of when/why/what actually took place. It’s not right to judge ME AS I AM NOW, against the bullshit I did as a kid. Fuck it, isn’t it better to fuck up as a young person before you have any actual impact on the world around you? Isn’t being a teenager supposed to be PRACTICE and PREPARING for adulthood? Making your mistakes earlier is preferential than learning them after you’ve already established the foundations of your life.
I feel like I’m a teenager again learning my identity and how to do shit in the real world. But lucky-ducky ever so fortunate me, I get to do it with the benefit of hindsight.
YAY! THE WISDOM OF THE SAGE living in the body of a young, banging chick
Behold. 2005. The Touchening.
My Anti-Christ Qualifications!
Well I’ve always been backwards so I know I came up with the name, but now I have to show you my “working out” like you have to do at school in maths and shit.
- male, jewish, virgin birth
- mortal son of a carpenter
- “god the son”
- started ministry around 27-29AD
- crucified around 30-36AD
- duration of ministry 3 years
- temptation in desert 40 days
- hung out with a bunch of dudes
- prostitute washed his feet
- female, not jewish, cesarean birth
- mortal daughter of a bricklayer
- “goddess the daughter”
- began teaching career 2015
- not crucified
- teaching for 3 years
- launch of my site is in 40 days
- teacher of a bunch of dudes
- washes own feet
Further correlating evidence!
I made a thingy to show my way of thinking. I started with this single cross do demonstrate my way of thinking, but i wasn’t satisfied with it. It wasn’t so simple as making 2 clear planes of comparison! So I added to it, I wanted to fully articulate what the fuck I was on about. I didn’t want to be a martyr, I wasn’t some sort of fucking patron saint. I had to change the way people perceive shit. So I changed it. I stirred the pot and thought outside the box. I changed MY PERSPECTIVE. And I bring you…
My personal brand of guarantee. My signature, so to speak. This is me. A perfect representation of me, all that I stand for and just.. I dunno. It’s right! It’s me! I made this shit up off the top of my head, and VOILA fuck yeah.
I love symbolism and imagery. And if you are worth your weight in interpretation of symbols, then read the shit out of this. If you have any esoteric knowledge or understanding, it will tell you stuff about me. But because I’m a teacher and I think all knowledge should be free and easily disgested then in my next post I will explain how to use visual literacy to interpret my personal, independently created visual representation of me. Who I am, how I live, how I’ve always lived and what I believe.
I’ll be explaining my creative process, and what was going through my head when I made it. And why I think it’s perfect because I don’t know where else to go with this.
I made this visual representation because I know that visuals help to make sense of shit. So to me, this has been constructed very carefully, purposefully, with intention. There was no magic ritual or shit when I did this. But I believe that magic will come of it. Just gotta change the way we understand “magic”.
SCIENCE: SEMIOTICS, the study of signs.
For my particular image I’m going come from a design approach to explain my creative process in the creation of this symbol.
- Design brief: create a visual representation to explain why I’m so fucking complicated to understand. Visuals make simplify concepts as you can trace someone’s train of thought.
- Parameters: Has to be able to be universally applied. Avoid stuff that is obvious to interpretation to encourage creativity of thought, reading things intuitively and symbolically.
- No people, transcend language barriers, transcend age gaps.
- You’ll have to use your imagination for this to make sense. Humour me.
- You’ll have to imagine this shitty 2 dimensional image is supposed to be 4 dimensional. Or just 3 dimensional even.
- Think of it as a sphere, not a circle, and you are in the centre.
- To put it into a “real world scenario”,
- think of it as you’re in a zorb ball, and so are other people.
- Or that you’re playing a game of marbles or something.
Because for me, nothing is ever simple, the visual rep had to be something as interchangable as me.
So I’ll be explaining my choices and intentions when deciding on the layout and the individual icons used within the visual construction of this whole symbol sigil thingy… Visual representation.
- I started off with the cross because we all know maths, 2 dimensional planes. You have the x-axis and the y-axis. So I wanted to distinguish that there are different points of comparison.
- I used dotted lines to represent what I mean by “invisible” connections. They’re concepts, ideas. Not physical connections like an actual rope or bridge.
- I chose to use emoji’s because I am garbage at making things look pretty, I kept trying to find nice pictures or whatever but became frustrated and just used emoji’s instead.
- I put the circle in the middle to represent ME, and how I look at shit. I’m often caught in the middle of stuff because I can see various perspectives.
- I put an emoji with sunglasses because I’m cool, I’m awesome, I’m also a “secret identity”.
- Original yellow emoji, not concerned with delineating race/ethnicity.
- It looked ‘unfinished’ without the swirly ribbon. So I put a thingy in the background to make it pretty, but it isn’t actually aesthetically appealing.
Symbolism of stuff
- Each line is a basis for comparing things. You can use 1, 2, 3 or 4 of the axis lines. Doesn’t bother me. I put 4 because it explains the way I live my life.
- Centre: Person
- Point of view: Personal vs Impersonal
- Situational: Public vs Private
- Smaller lines represent further shit to consider (because life isn’t 2 dimensional)
- Time and place to determine appropriateness
- Other people doing their own thing.
- Swirling background: doesn’t matter what you do, you can’t control the fucking world. Just get on with it.
- Each line is a basis for comparing things. You can use 1, 2, 3 or 4 of the axis lines. Doesn’t bother me. I put 4 because it explains the way I live my life.
- The centre is my identity as Kalliope. Which is a pseudonym. I put sunnies on it because I don’t want to imagine you looking into my eyes. It’s another symbol of self protection and preservation.
- The horizontal axis: Represented the intra- and inter-personal skills and dynamic. How we see ourselves in relation to how we see others. It is also able to be considered as how others see us.
- The vertical axis: the swirly thingy at the bottom is my personal private life, in relation to the explosion which is the public sphere. It’s about what I want you to see and don’t want you to see. It’s about the cool interesting shit that happens (or doesn’t happen) outside of myself, and the swirling confusion of perpetual introspection.
- The solid line with the 2 hands: that’s time and space, I’m just existing in the here and now, wherever I am is where I am. Hands like a clock, or pointing to indicate infinity.
- The bluey/teal dotted line: it’s other people who are also just doing their thing, in the same time and space. The triangle represents cause and the circle represents effect.
- The swirling ribbon: I liked the idea that if I was the centre emoji then the hands are like my arms. I thought it’d be funny to think of myself twirling a ribbon to make it look silly. Or if I was dancing at a disco. I could pretend to give myself arms to demonstrate that I am such a threatrical person I am always emphasising shit with my hands when I speak.
COINCIDENTAL FUCKING AWESOME SHIT: THE REAL MAGIC
- I completely made this shit up from scratch. I was logical and rational. I had a clear intention.
- After I made it I was like “well, whattya know. I am a fucking god” because I can’t help but look at everything symbolically, I unintentionally (I can’t help the way my mind instinctively just does shit) “interpretted” my creation.
- I was not thinking of esoteric interpretations when constructing this, but it represents esoteric imagery…
Dharmachakra, the 8 fold path, compass points, similar to my shoulder tattoos, a turning wheel. I kind of just started with the 4 points of the astrology wheel. And that was it. I couldn’t think of anything else so I just started adding stuff. I thought of the wheel as a car steering wheel, you just drive around. You know?
Um… Yeah. In conclusion!!!!
That’s why I think I make the perfect candidate to represent the people of the planet earth in the quest to kill god! Or legitimise the study of metaphysics! Or to not doom us all to hell! Something!!